NWSF Advice to "Wishy Washy in Washington"

Today, No Warning Shots Fired is proud to present a new advice column. The first letter comes from Washington DC:

Dear No Warning Shots Fired,

I am having problems with the new job that I started, last January. Seems like I'm having a hard time trying to please everybody.
If I move to the right, my Left Wing friends get upset.
If I move to the left, my Right Wing friends get angry. And when they get angry, they get very, very angry.
It seems like the whole country is losing respect for me.
What should I do?

Signed,

Wishy Washy in Washington


Dear Wishy Washy in Washington,

I would give you some Dr Phil type advice but you need some tough love, homie. So, I'm gonna quote the words of the late, great philosopher, Tupac Shakur:

"People diss us on the street, man! We run from Bill O'Reilly. We run from Sean Hannity. We even run from Glenn Beck! All we do is run, like we're on a track team!

If you want respect you gotta earn respect! You gotta be willin' to grab some suckas by their collars and throwdown!

You gotta get the ground beneath your feet, partna and the wind behind your back and be willing to go out in a blaze of glory like Blizzard did!!!"

Hope this helps,

NWSF