Saturday, January 17, 2009

Candy For Crackheads?

Candy for Crackheads

Paul Scott

It's no secret in North Carolina that folks in Durham have a severe case of "thug-o-phobia."

They see gang members behind every tree and under every bush. Even a friendly wave to your homie could be considered a gang sign.

So, it should be no surprise that before you enter into Northgate Mall you are greeted with an anti-gang sign posted on the door.

No gang signs. No bandannas. No doo rags...

Yeah we get it already!

Not to mention they have a curfew, whereby, kids under 16 have to leave the mall by 6PM on the weekends unless accompanied by an adult.

So, I'm in one of the spots where the kids hang out, the FYE cd store, looking for some discount old school Hip Hop when the nightly alarm comes blastin' through the mall intercom system warning every person under 16 to head for the nearest exit or they are going to send in the SWAT team, or somethin'.

Now, I look nowhere near 16 but since I have on my official "No Warning Shots Fired" gear, I grab my Biz Markie CD and head to the checkout so there will be no mistakes.

As I'm standing there, I see a box that says "Crackheads Candy," with the catchy subtitle "We're all addicted to something."

Needless to say, I'm intrigued.

Upon further inspection, I notice that it is a box of chocolate covered coffee beans. I suppose if you eat enough of them, you start acting like a crackhead. According to the company's website a box of Crackheads has as much caffeine as six cups of coffee, 7.5 cans of Red Bull and 11 cans of Mountain Dew.

I feel like jumping up on the counter and yellin' :

"Am I the only person in this store that sees something terribly wrong with this?"

"You mean I can't wear a red or blue baseball cap but I can get some crack head candy to go with my Lil Wayne cd?"

But instead I head to the nearest exit before some taser happy security cop mistakes me for a 9th grader.

Apparently, the candy just recently became available in the Bull City but was given the thumbs down on CNBC's, "The Big Idea" a while back.

The product is put out by some dude named John Osmanski, a former biomedical engineering student.

Apparently, the boy genius thinks that the definition of a a crack head is "a comedic term meaning someone was acting goofy, crazy, and/or odd."

Wrong Einstein. That might be what it means in the 'burbs of Milwaukee but in Durham a crackhead is someone who is addicted to a substance that has destroyed communities nationwide since the 80's.

I can't be the only one who has seen this stuff. Where is the outrage?

Do you really want your children going to school wired off of crack head candy?

If Young Jeezy would have put this junk out he'd be still spinnin' around Bill O'Reilly's "No Spin Zone" as we speak!

Do we give Osmanki a ghetto pass because he's a clean cut lookin' college kid and not a thugged out brotha from tha hood?

Osamaki's website says that he already has some crack candy dispensers coming to a convenience store near you. I guess he can cut out the street level dealers that way.

I can't wait to see his commercial. I guess he's gonna have Willie Wonka dealin' crack to the Umpa Lumpa kids.

Crack is nothing to joke about nor is it something to build a candy empire around. Too many people have had their lives destroyed because of "the rock."

To borrow from the immortal words of pop diva, Whitney Houston..

"Crack is wack!"

Paul Scott, the Hip Hop TRUTH Minista" writes for No Warning Shots He can be reached at (919) 451-8283