Dear Black Leader,
As the unofficial self- appointed representative of the people whom you are supposed to work for, I have a bit of bad news. As of MLK Day 2008....You're Fired!!!
It's not that we don't appreciate your hard work and dedication in fighting for our civil rights and everything. We know your bio, which you always share with us anytime we ask you what have you done for us, lately. We know about the marches, the demonstrations, the police dogs and the jail stays. But that history is lost on this generation. They are desensitized to the "going to jail thing." My cousin Clyde, the Klepto can do a 10 year bid standing on one hand. As far as the police dogs, Lil Tyrone has to deal with stray pitbulls everyday coming home from school. So the tales from the past just don't move Black folks like they used to.
Accounting is concerned about the expense account that you've been runnin' up. They say that you have been abusing the company's Bank of Harlem Black Card. Is it really necessary to wear $2000 Brooks Brothers suits and $1500 Itallian leather shoes, everyday while the people you work for get their clothes from WalMart and Pick and Pay? (Work rule # 4081, never out dress the boss.) And how about the first class airline tickets and the 5 star hotels? Also, the board of directors thinks that the $5000 honorarium that you charge historically Black colleges for 45 minutes of your wisdom is a little excessive. Especially when you are going to ask the strugglin' college kids to break you off $28.99 for your latest hardback after the lecture?
My "peeps" in the street are also tired of seeing you flossin' on C-Span more than they see you in tha hood, homie. They want you to step your rap game up and come with something a little fresher than a remixed "IHave a Dream" speech, every year. At least Jay Z and them can bust a funky freestyle off the top of their heads. And stop criticizing their spinning rims and platinum teeth when you are bling blingin' more than they are. And for the record, they said that they ain't gonna stop using the "n" word as long as you keep referring to Black folks as "minorities" and"colored people." The Boyz in the Hood want a chance to shine on the cover of Ebony and on the radio, too. My boy, Tre said that he was in the newspaper one time and his mom's said that he looked real good dunking the basketball in the Cross City Championship of '95. He once dropped some serious science after the Jena 6 thing in the middle of Mr Luther's Barber Shop and got a standing ovation and a free hair cut! Brotha's got some real talk for the people but NPR won't holla at him, though.
The interns who have been running around getting your coffee and filing your papers for the last 20 years are getting tired of being passed over for promotions. Word around the break room is that they are planning a hostile takeover if changes aren't made soon. I know that you always thought that the main threat to your job would come from the Conservative cats on the 5th Floor who you play golf with every weekend but you underestimated the Brotha in the Red, Black and GreenT-Shirt that you had in the field picking up garbage. You didn't know that the old school Public Enemy pumpin' in his IPod headphones and the books on Garvyism that he was reading during his lunch break would give him grand ideas about taking over the company.
We tried to get your pension straight, but funny thing, no one in Human Resources remembers hiring you. It must have happened during the race riots of '69 when the Brothas were handlin' their business in the streets. When the smoke cleared all the rest of the Brothas were doing long prison sentences but you were at the front of the line to be the first negro to integrate Whiteman and Liverpool Inc.
To find a suitable replacement we have decided to launch our own reality show "America's Next Black Leader" and we will be going through hoods across America with a camcorder to see who is actually out there feeding the people, fighting the power and doing all of the other things that you preached to us that we should be doing for the last 40 years.
So we thank you for your years of service and we know that you will have no problem finding a new job with your white corporate sponsors.
Min. Paul Scott
Min. Paul Scott's blog is nowarningshotsfired.com He can be reached at (919) 451-8283